I had been trying to keep it together for a few weeks. I don’t know what exactly was happening now. Whoever said writing all your thoughts down is supposed to help? Maybe if I try to focus, it will all be okay. Yes, that is it. Let me try to stay calm here.
No, I can’t. I just can’t. This was harder than I thought. I knew Mom and Dad meant well, but they just had no idea how I was feeling. I wish I could escape. I wanted to be somewhere else. I didn’t want to be here.
Losing the love of your life was not okay. I honestly was not sure if it will ever be. Right now, I am just going through the motions. One of the worst things was not knowing how to cope with it all. What to do next? I couldn’t even think about dancing since he died. Nothing had no meaning or purpose.
Damn it! All I wanted to do now was hide. Sleep for hours on end. Recapture what I had lost. I wanted to be with Leo. I just wanted to fade away, like he did.
Oh, why wasn’t I with him? I really wished I could have been with him.
I don’t know if I will ever be whole again. This revelation really scared me.