I had been trying to keep it together for a few weeks. I don’t know what exactly was happening now. Whoever said writing all your thoughts down is supposed to help? Maybe if I try to focus, it will all be okay. Yes, that’s it. Let me try to stay calm here. No, I can’t. I just can’t. This was harder than I thought. I knew Mom and Dad meant well, but they just had no idea how I was feeling. I wish I could escape. I wanted to be somewhere else. I didn’t want to be here. Losing the love of your life was not okay. I honestly was not sure if it will ever be. Right now, I’m just going through the motions. One of the worst things was not knowing how to cope with it all. What to do next? I couldn’t even think about dancing since he died. Nothing had no meaning or purpose.
Damn it! All I wanted to do now was hide. Sleep for hours on end. Recapture what I had lost. I wanted to be with Leo. I just wanted to fade away, like he did. Oh, why wasn’t I with him? I really wished I could have been with him. I don’t know if I will ever be whole again. This revelation really scared me.