Time passed even though Leo was no longer here. The only reason I knew it had been about six months was because I
looked at the dusty calendar in my room. It didn’t matter, though. I still felt as if everything happened just yesterday.
Okay, so life was resuming for everyone else, but this is not the case for me. All I care to do is drown in my sorrows and lay in my bed and never go outside.
My mother and father are deeply concerned. As I glared at the mirror, I can see why. I’m shocked by my reflection.
I could see the dark circles under my eyes from not being able to sleep. My skin was very pale from not eating properly. I was a mess. At this moment, I didn’t care. All I had on were sweatpants and a long T-shirt.
“Mia, you’re looking so pale. It doesn’t look like you’ve eaten anything all day,” said my mother.
My father chimed in. “Your mother’s right, Mia. Please eat!” “Look, I’m fine, okay? Let me be!” I shouted.
Ah, they do nothing but hover! I wished they would let me be! Right now, I was not sure about anything. I was confused. I was angry, and I wanted to cry. My emotions were all over the place.
I knew everyone meant well, but I just could not be the person I was. I felt guilty about how I had been ignoring everyone. I was at a loss for what I am supposed to do next. I mean, I thought I wanted to go to New York and pursue my career as a dancer, and then look into possible dance schools. I wasn’t so sure if that’s what I’m supposed to do.
Now, it didn’t seem relevant. All I want to do right now is to stay here in Ann Arbor. Never leave. I didn’t want to think about anything. Everything hurts right now. All I want to do is hide—stay away from everyone and everything.
Still, I couldn’t help but feel bad. I was supposed to be there for the Dancys, but I wasn’t able to do that now. I had tried to call them. However, each time I start dialing the phone I hung it up due to not knowing what to say.
I was a mess and all I wanted to do is stay in my bed forever. Yes, that was it. I never wanted to leave my bed. Oh, if only it were that easy. How can everyone be going on with their lives so quickly? What’s wrong with everyone? Am I wrong?
Damn it, I just want to stay hidden and never come out. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to recover. I want just to close my eyes and dream.
Leo would always be there smiling and holding my hand. I wish it could be as it was.
I don’t want to wake up!