Time passed even though Leo was no longer here. The only reason I knew it had been about six months was because I looked at the dusty calendar in my room. It didn’t matter, though. I still felt as if everything happened just yesterday.
Okay so life was resuming for everyone else, but this is not the case for me. All I care to do is drown in my sorrows and lay in my bed and never go outside.
My mother and father are deeply concerned. As I glared at the mirror, I can see why. I’m shocked by my reflection.
I could see the dark circles under my eyes of not being able to sleep. My skin was very pale from not eating properly. I was a mess. At this moment, I didn’t care. All I had on were sweatpants and a long T-Shirt.
“Mia, you are looking so pale. It doesn’t look like you have eaten anything all day,” said my mother.
My father chimed in, “Your mother is right, Mia. Please eat!”
“Look I am fine okay, let me be!” I shouted.
Ah, they do nothing but hover! I wished they would let me be! Right now, I was not sure about anything. I was confused. I was angry, and I wanted to cry. My emotions were all over the place.
I knew everyone meant well, but I just could not be the person I was. I felt guilty about how I had been ignoring everyone. I was at a loss for what I am supposed to do next. I mean, I thought I wanted to go to New York and pursue my career as a dancer, and then look into possible dance schools. I was not so sure if that is what I am supposed to do.
Now, it didn’t seem relevant. All I wanted to do right now is stay here in Ann Arbor. Never leave. I did not want to think about anything. Everything hurts right now. All I want to do is hide—stayaway from everyone and everything.
Still, I could not help but feel bad. I was supposed to be there for the Dancys,but I wasn’t able to do that now. I had tried to call them. However, each time I start dialing the phone, I hung it up due not knowing what to say.
I was a mess and all I wanted to do is stay in my bed forever. Yes, that was it. I never wanted to leave my bed. Oh, if only it were that easy. How can everyone be going on with their lives so quickly? What is wrong with everyone? Am I wrong?
Damn it, I just want to stay hidden and never come out. I am not sure I will ever be able to recover. I want just to close my eyes and dream.
Leo would always be there smiling and holding my hand. I wish it could be as it was.
I don’t want to wake up!